It has been a few weeks since I wrote anything – and with good reason. Our father was in the hospital for 12 days. Unfortunately, the outcome is not what we had hoped for, and he passed away.
Life, death, and grief are peculiar little beasts. Everyone has their own way of dealing with these situations and there is no right or wrong way. Spending 10-12 hours a day in a hospital room can be grueling trying to comfort a loved one, find ways to pass the time, communicating with family and friends, and keep your own spirits up. When a situation presented itself, I grabbed it like someone snowed in for six months booking a one-way ticket to the beach. Humor!
Every day I would enter the hospital with my purse, laptop, and my 40 ounce water jug. Dad always made fun of me and my water. On Day 2, a trio of older women were behind me and I heard one of them say, “Lawd, she MUST be thirsty!”
Entering day after day, I began to notice things that the average Joe there for just one day probably would not. For example, there is a player piano in the main lobby. It runs every day from 8 – 5, but only Monday through Friday. Sorry, no piano music on weekends.
The pseudo Starbucks by the main elevator also closed on weekends. For coffee junkies, that was a real bump in the caffeine road.
The cafeteria was fairly decent. There was a pizza station, a salad bar, a gourmet lunch meat station, a grill station, and then “hot” daily specials. They had Taco Tuesdays and Chinese Wednesdays. But, you better get there before 2 p.m. or lights out.
My sister and I have a close relationship with grilled cheese. One day, I even fancied it up by ordering a grilled HAM and cheese.
One thing I enjoy about hospitals is playing the lullaby when a baby is born. Just those few stanzas bring warmth to my heart and a smile on my face. On Day 8 as I was leaving the cafeteria from lunch, the lullaby came on. I smiled and nodded to a woman and her adult daughter who were walking past me. My smile quickly turned upside down as the older woman proclaimed, “Ugh, I hate when they play that song – so dumb”. The word ‘bitch’ floated through my mind!
Then there was the hospital floor – the corridor that we walked countless times over those 12 days. While he was on 3N, I can honestly say we loved every nurse that came into his room…Dad probably would not agree as he did not like being told what to do. They certainly had their hands full with the patients nearby.
I should probably say here that none of this is meant to make light of someone else’s painful journey. Hospitals hold some of the hardest moments of people’s lives. But sometimes, when you’re living through one of those moments yourself, you find the humor wherever you can. It helps you keep your wits about you.
As with most hospitals, there was definitely not enough help. We understood that – some did not. We could hit the call button for assistance and wait awhile. If it was a true 911 situation, we would have been running up and down the hall for help. Otherwise, we were patient. One day a few doors down, an elderly lady could be heard moaning “HELP.” Each time it would get a little louder and stronger until after a couple of dozen times she finally yelled out “COME ON PEOPLE!” I chuckled and my sister said – “We hear ya!”
Next door was an older gentleman named Thomas. Thomas liked to go for little walks. Every time he attempted to get out of bed, his bed would sound like a fire alarm. He didn’t care that he was hooked up to an IV or anything else. He wanted to go for a walk. They sat him in a chair one afternoon and a female security guard would keep him company. I guess he got tired of looking at her so he got up and pushed her into the hall and tried to make a run for it. Now that – that gets you more than just a fire alarm going off! Once he was calmed down, a nurse and two security guards took him in a wheelchair to cruise the hall. As they walked past us, one guard said “let’s burn off some of this energy, Thomas”. A few minutes later, he was quite content looking out the big picture window.
One day I was headed downstairs for some coffee. As I walked past a room, a nurse was walking out saying, “okay, I got you”. The patient, an elderly woman, continued to say, “…now don’t forget those candles. I want to eat by candlelight tonight. It’s very important to have the ambience because I got me a couple of gentlemen suitors joining me for dinner tonight”. I do declare – I had myself a good chuckle once I hit the elevator doors!
As you can imagine, that many days in a hospital and there are going to be some tense moments. We appreciated they were trying to figure out what was going on, but communication at times was lacking. Before we left one night, I asked the nurse to put a note in that we wanted to speak with one of the specialists in person the next day. I won’t get into the specifics, but when he arrived I did not show my best self. Poor Doogie Howser, MD got an earful!! Then there was another Physician Assistant with cardiology that came to see our Dad. We had been waiting for a specific test to be done. I simply asked if they were going to proceed with that test and ol’ doppelganger Richie Cunningham looked at me and said, “Well, every patient in this hospital has a heart so we are a little busy”. RUDE!
Dad provided some of the humor, too. He would push his call button for a nurse to come in to lower the head of his bed – cue the eye roll! Of course, if we had known that’s what he wanted we would have done it for him. He complained about the food as he would continue to keep putting forkfuls in his mouth. He would take off his oxygen mask and when asked why he did that he would look at you like an adoring toddler and say “I didn’t take it off – it fell off”.
You can’t rewrite history, but you can remember what you want. Our final scene from a hospital room is two daughters – two sisters -carrying their father’s belongings down the long corridor. Sad that he is gone. Grateful that he was free of pain. Peaceful knowing their parents were together again.
Until next time,
-Molly